but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
