I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Randomize
