Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior

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(970): View more from Colorado

I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.

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(651): View more from Minnesota

how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.

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(718): View more from New York

at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.

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(301): View more from Maryland

Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent

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(865): View more from Tennessee

Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.

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(208): View more from Idaho

At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...

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(316): View more from Kansas

It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...

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