I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
