Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
and she was petting her beer can
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
