My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
