apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
