Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
