thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
