Im at strip club and am horny
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
