I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
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