Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
