i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
