i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
