i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
