i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
