I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
