this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
