Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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