I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
