I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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