he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
