I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
