My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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