sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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