Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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