Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
