So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
