i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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