My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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