You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
This is my gift to your gina
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
