I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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