so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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