I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
