i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
