Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
