Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
