The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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