guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
So many bounce houses so little time
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Randomize
