Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
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