my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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