Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
birth control should be required to get into college
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I deserve this hangover.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
