just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
