I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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