Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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