Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
