so explain again why im purple
no
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
