I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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