Kiss
Puke
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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