Your favorite bartender is back from prision
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
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