Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
