just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
