awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
